Our Story

Connections Through Space and Time

Inger arrived at Haverford College in the fall of 2008. Their freshman dorm was Barclay First South, and they lived in the corner room at the end of the hall, with windows on two sides. They loved that room. In an era when most people had cell phones, Inger brought a landline to college and plugged it into the phone jack. The following year, Inger chose to live in Quaker House, one of the communal student apartments on campus. They shared the large room in the “A” section of Quaker House.

Carl arrived at Haverford College in the fall of 2009, one year after Inger. His freshman dorm was Barclay First South, and he lived in the corner room at the end of the hall, with windows on two sides. He loved that room. In an era when most people had cell phones, Carl brought a landline and plugged it into the phone jack. The following year, Carl chose to live in Quaker House, and (drum roll, please) he shared the large room in the “A” section of the house.

Inger stayed in Quaker House for their junior year, so the two of us lived in community together for the 2010-2011 school year. Neither of us really remembers the other, but we do have evidence that we were close. (See below!)

Inger graduated in 2012. Carl spent that summer living at Haverford. Look at our emails from that summer!

We have no idea whether Inger stayed in Carl’s common room that night or not. We have a few more emails to show that we stayed in touch through Carl’s senior year at Haverford. We have no memory of these emails! Then, we went our separate ways. 

Reconnecting 

We both returned to Haverford on the same day for the 2024 Friends General Conference Gathering. We first set eyes on each other outside of Barclay Hall. After a big hug, we walked inside together and that was the start of something new! 

Here we are together that first night in our old room in Barclay: 

On our last day of the Gathering, Inger shared their feelings for Carl out of silence in “our” room. Then, Inger flew back to Austin, Texas, and Carl returned to New York’s Hudson Valley. Our daily contact grew into a long-distance polyamorous relationship.  

Polyamory is an important foundation of our relationship and gives space for both of us to experience and communicate a full range of human emotions. Polyamory (or ethical non-monogamy) is the philosophy and practice of having romantic and/or sexual relationships with more than one person at the same time, with the full consent of all involved. The polyamorous framework of our relationship invites us into authentic connection, intentional boundary-setting, and willing vulnerability. Our decision to be public about polyamory is one of many ways that we move societal norms forward. In fact, a few months after we started dating, Carl produced an episode of the Disability Rap podcast on disability and polyamory. You can listen to that episode here. 

By Christmas, Inger had moved to California for a new job. By spring, we were discerning whether to move in together. That summer, we joined Cindy, Peter, Matt and Bryan in Oakland, where Carl had dreamed of living one day. 

Inger proposed to Carl outside of Berkeley Friends Meeting on Sunday, August 10, 2025. They pulled out a box with triangle earrings and said, “Let’s do this!!” To which, Carl replied, “YES!” After Meeting, both of us got our ears pierced.

We’re planning a Celebration of Union because we want a big party! We want a time and space for our communities to gather and intertwine. We’re structuring the weekend at Woolman Hill with a focus on connecting and sharing. We look forward to seeing you there!

Love and Hugs,
Inger and Carl