Quaker Weddings

Quaker Worship

Quakers believe that there is that of God / the Light / Truth in each one of us and that we all have a direct connection to God / Light / Truth. In an unprogrammed meeting for worship, people gather in silence, usually for an hour. They listen for a message that is coming from a Source greater than themselves. When they receive a message and have discerned that it is meant to be shared with the entire group gathered, they speak the message out of the silence. The message settles and the group returns to silence. This process continues, with no Friend speaking twice and no Friend responding directly to a previous message. The meeting typically ends with a closing remark or gesture like shaking hands, and group fellowship follows.

Quaker weddings are meetings for worship where the couple marries themselves in the presence of their friends, family and community. Usually, Quaker weddings start with a period of silence. Often there will be someone who welcomes people and guides the process. Out of the silence, the couple shares their commitments to each other. Then, space is made for those gathered to share messages, much like a meeting for worship, but without the pressure of receiving a message from God. People often speak from the heart and share memories or nuggets of wisdom. As in a meeting for worship, there is silence between each message, and the ceremony concludes with a gesture like shaking hands.

No officient is present during the ceremony because Quakers believe that no one else besides the couple and the Spirit has the authority to sanctify marriage. Those gathered serve as witnesses and are invited to sign the marriage certificate after the ceremony. The marriage certificate is a very special document that certifies the union of the couple.

Quaker weddings are held under the care of a Monthly Meeting. Months before the wedding, the couple participates in a clearness process with the meeting to unpack their relationship and discern a spirit-led path forward. Through this process, the meeting also discerns their path forward, because taking on the care of a wedding includes a commitment to support the couple for the entirety of their relationship. In this way, the Quaker wedding process builds a community of dynamic support for the couple as their relationship matures.

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Here’s a useful video.